The last few months, a lot of hard truths have been realized…professionally, and personally. To quickly update, I’ve gotten my ass back in the gym. Despite some extreme soreness in the shoulders and knees…it feels really, REALLY good to be back. I actually look forward to going in…something I hadn’t anticipated would happen so quickly. It’s truly exciting. The tobacco habit, I’m hoping, will continue to slowly cease as the fruits of my labor begin to be realized.
It’s exciting, you know, to see yourself confront something head on and have that feeling that you’re going to win
That’s kind of what it’s all about for me…winning. But life’s challenges aren’t always black and white, or end up resulting in a “win” or a “loss.” Most times there is a lot of grey area.
I realize most of you are probably thinking, “Yeah, I know this…how can you be just now figuring this out?” Well, I have a feeling that it comes from how dedicated I’ve always been to what I do professionally. When working, things are so much more cut and dry. You do what’s necessary to get the job done…and when it’s done, you feel good about it. Well, usually you do. For so long, my profession has been my everything. It’s one of many things I’m trying to change about my life.
The toughest part about trying to distance myself from work all the time, while trying to increase my personal fun factor, is feeling really left out. There’s no doubt that much of this is a result of leaving myself out for so long. See, when I worked in local television this was never an issue. Let me explain…
When you work in local teevee, there is an instant camaraderie with your co-workers. As far as the people that are similar in age and have a similar position within the station…you’re all poor, you’re probably just a couple years out of college (or fresh out of college), which means you’re interested in going out…a lot. And, anyone within the business will tell you, that people on the outside don’t really “get it” and can’t relate to many of the things we “journalists” go through. I don’t necessarily believe that now…but I did then. The point is that there are so many common denominators in local television that it’s really easy to get along with your co-workers. Everyone strokes each others ego…and it’s easy to feel like those same co-workers are your only friends because they “understand” you.
I should note that this is the way I always felt about it, and while others may not be able to relate…I’m sure there are plenty of others reading this, nodding their head in agreement.
The question I never asked myself was, “Are these people really my friends?” I never really thought about it until now. And why am I thinking about it now? Well, I’m finding that even though I moved back to Indianapolis 18 months ago…where my “friends” are at…that I may have missed the boat, and that some of my friend-ships have sailed. Good God that was cheesy. I’m sorry for that…but not enough to keep you from having to suffer through it like I am.
Back here in Indy…the work crew already has established circles of friends. Don’t get me wrong, I’m usually included in those circles (and I knew some of the people I work with BEFORE I started working with them), but it’s just different. At the same time a lot of the people who I went to college with, and became friends with during those years, have obviously found new people to hang with while I was spending years chasing down the TV-dream in places like Lafayette and Terre Haute. Of course, a lot of my really close friends chose to move away from Indianapolis after school. Many of them moved to the same city, so they’ve had the opportunity to continue their relationships with each other in the same way that those who never left Indy after school have continued their relationships with each other. Do I envy that? Yes. Was that confusing? Double yes.
I made these decisions and have to take responsibility for them. But, it’s still frustrating to feel like you’ve gone years without really making any friends. Plenty of acquaintances…but no friends. It’s never really been my style to surround myself with a wide array of people. I’m more into the tight-knit, small circle of peeps.
It’s a fluid situation, and I’m sure I’ll figure it out eventually. I just hope it’s soon.
Maybe you understand what I’m talking about and would like to share…?
